So I had my surgery. Surgery sucks azz. Here are some things I've learned before, during, and after my surgery:
(1) It is possible to shove an IV too far in your hand and bring you to tears.
(2) An anti-anxiety medicine is the PERFECT thing to have in your system before a surgery.
(3) You may say things like "Did you give me that tummy tuck I was hoping for?" while you're still loopy.
(4) Anybody's throat would be sore after surgery if they had a tube shoved down it and ripped back out. Plus it gives you a great excuse to enjoy a strawberry smoothie post op.
(5) Yes, they really can put stitches IN YOUR BELLY BUTTON!
(6) When you see body parts covered in a mysterious yellow dye, have no fear...it's only iodine and not urine.
(7) Iodine only comes off with alcohol even though a nurse may tell you to use soap and water which DOES NOT WORK.
(8) You will urinate blue after surgery but nobody will tell you this. They wait for you to freak out first.
(9) You will be full of gas that is supposed to "absorb back into your bloodstream" but it could also make a quick escape out of your shoulders. I'm not lying!
(10) You may look like you are four to five months pregnant for a couple of days due to said gas.
(11) Your bladder and colon may still be sleeping 3 days after surgery. It will take more prescriptions to wake them up. If that doesn't work, then you have the "opportunity" to wear a catheter for a week. I hear that all of Hollywood is sportin' this new fashion statement.
(12) Those medications to help wake up your business will make you pee blue also.
(13) 5mg of Vicodin does NOTHING to stop the pain. Double it up and you're good to go!
(14) Mixing vicodin with vodka may or may not be the best combination to help you heal.
(15) It's normal to feel like someone has ripped out your ab muscles and left you to die. That's when you know you need more medicine.
(16) When you ask for "ovarian drilling" right before surgery, they don't tell you that you will feel like your girly parts are falling out every time you walk and that more recovery time is probably needed.
I have missed "reading" all of you so much! It's still sensitive to sit up for long periods of time so I will try to make some rounds today. Here are some pics for you to laugh at:
My pre-op pic. I wasn't allowed to wear makeup, lotion, jewelry or metal and it was taken at 7:00am so don't be judgin' ok!
How cute are these little socks that they give you to wear so you're feet don't get cold?? I got to take them home as a souvenir!