Stressed much?

This is me right now.

I want to scream and let it all out but I still have a house guest!!

*My Christmas shopping is not complete and I thought it was.  It seems I 'forgot' a couple of people. Next year, I vote that we draw names and only buy for ONE PERSON EACH.

*I haven't blogged in almost a week so that means I pretty much suck.

*I also haven't read many blogs since Saturday so I'm sure that you're ready to stop following me.

*My Christmas swap partner, SERIOUSLY SHAWN, will no longer want to be friends with me since I  don't have all 12 of the required gifts to give her and I haven't started wrapping them yet either and it needs to be mailed in 6 short days. (If you want to help me get CREATIVE, I'll be your best friend forever.)

*This very same swap partner, along with her bully of a friend, MiMi, are blackmailing me into putting up a Christmas tree which I still haven't done because I am a horrible person and mother.  I need energy.  Where do I find that?

*I haven't been to the gym is WEEKS.  Did you get that?  W E E K S.

*I tried to get a massage this week and I couldn't get in.  DO THEY NOT KNOW HOW STRESSED OUT I AM?

*My mom and I had a fight and she hasn't apologized yet and I don't think she will either. (And YES, it is HER FAULT.) Don't worry, I gave her a hug before I left.

*My daughter's first birthday party is in less than 2 weeks and I'm not 100% prepared. I'm ALWAYS prepared. What's wrong with me?  I am losing brain cells at lightening speed and I don't like it ONE BIT.

*I'm making a picture book on Picaboo for a Christmas gift and I feel like it's NEVER gonna be finished.  It has consumed many, many hours of my life.

*I don't have enough picture Christmas cards to mail out so I have to order more. I FAILED again.

*My DVR'd shows miss me so much.  I think my recorder is almost full.

*I went to Walmart today.  Enough said.

Yes, this is a NEGATIVE NANCY post and I don't care!  I'm having a bad day and I needed to vent. 

I really need a MARGARITA but I'm out of freakin' Patron.  

Thank you google images.

In closing, I would like to say something positive.  My OU Sooners will be playing in the Big VII Championship game on Saturday.  If they don't win against Nebraska, I will need pills.  Lots and lots of pills.  And alcohol. Feel free to send them my way.

Amen.

Simple bits of Happiness

My IRL friend, JennyKate, wants to know 10 simple things that make me happy.


This is easy peasy. Aside from the obvious, which would be spending time with my family and friends, here is my "simple" list:


1. Open-mouth kisses from Emma (Is this gross?  I think it's sweet.)
2. The smell of M's cologne 
3. Baking (and trying not to eat it)
4. A clean house
5. Snuggling with M on crisp, clean sheets
6. A margarita
7. Cards for no reason 
8. Laughing til my abs hurt (it's a GREAT workout)
9. My iphone  (what did I ever do without it?)
10. When the numbers on the scale go D O W N


What are your simple bits of happiness?

Follow Me Back Tuesday!

Follow Me Back Tuesday is baaaack and I'm playing along for the 2nd time.  I made over 20 new bloggy friends last week which made me squeal with excitement! No, literally.  I squealed every time I got a new follower.  I ♥ new followers!! Thanks for stopping by!

A special THANK YOU to our hosts:  Boobies, Babies & A Blog, Little Yaya's & Survey Junkie 



If you haven't visited The Real Housewives of Oklahoma blog AKA The RHOK, please stop by there also!  Here are our latest posts:


*Do you have any plans for Black Friday? Mrs. Albright wrote about Black Friday HERE. 


*Find out if you Are You A Celebrity Blogger written by my alter ego, Mrs. Coco.  


* How much time do you spend WAITING? Mrs. Priss takes pictures while she waits!


*Do you like LONG or SHORT hair and does it matter which one you have as you get older?  Tell Mrs. Edwards your opinion by clicking HERE.  


Follow us and we will follow back!  =)

12 Days of Christmas Swap!

Okay ladies...who doesn't like receiving gifts in the mail??  Sami over at Symmetry in Motion is throwing a 12 Days of Christmas Swap party!  


To find out more deets, click on over to Sami's page (I linked it above) for more information. Hurry!  The deadline is Tuesday, (tomorrow) at NOON!

Weekend Wrap-Up and MckLinky Monday!

Well, this happened on Friday:

 

And this:

Do you have any idea what this means?  My little miracle baby will be turning one soon.  These are her birthday pics (a little early so we can use them for her invites) but it puts me in a very sad mood.  She's growing up too fast right in front of my face. I will never, ever wish away time. Ever.  If I do, you have permission to slap me across the face and remind me of this post. Please be gentle.  I have sensitive skin.

Gentleman readers: please skip this section and head straight to the next one.  Trying to get the good deals and use our collected coupons. This is also not for the squimish. You would thank me for the warning.  I promise.

Saturday I attended a Christmas craft fair with my mom and some friends in Tulsa.  It was ok.  It was crowded and I was about to literally knock out the next person that ran over my toe with their cart bag or hit me in the arm or shoulder with their purse. I desperately needed a frozen marg or a shot of Patron. I was hoping to get ideas for Christmas presents but I was unsuccessful.  I am super jealous of crafty people.

HOW DO YOU CRAFTY LITTLE B'S DO IT?

So, at the end of the day, I made a quick trip to the ladies room since I had been seeing yellow for a couple of hours. Guess what?  "Aunt Flo" made an ugly appearance in the bathroom. It wasn't even yet time but I guess she thinks she's the boss. No wonder I was ready to take out little old ladies and the purse swingers. Ladies, what I'm about to tell you is in confidence.  Let's never mention this again.  It's rude, crude and disgusting: There was blood everywhere.  I had to discard my underwear.  I don't deal well with blood. And I also don't deal well with the whole no underwear/Britany Spears/commando thing.  I had to walk around and then go eat WITHOUT UNDERWEAR. I could see people judging me.  They all knew.  I just know they did. I felt an infection coming on.  Can you get an STD from not wearing underwear?  *shivers*

Moving on...

I waited all day yesterday for this:

Did you see AMA's? 

It was the LAST FREAKIN' ACT of the night! Yes, I am in lust with NKOTB and Joey is MINE just so we're clear and I don't share my men or my food (and a small list of other things that didn't make the cut)

And finally, Mrs. Albright from the RHOK, wants to know about my Black Friday plans. 

Well, it usually starts with me looking like this:

except a little worse (because I don't drink coffee and I'm not a morning person) and then me and my mom take our lists and hit the stores needed to finish up our Christmas shopping.  We don't get up at 3:00am.  In fact, there have been times when we don't even make it out the door before 11:00am.  We both really like our sleep.  But this year, we may try to get up a little earlier than normal...like 8:00ish..to get WHAT WE CALL an early start. I realize that some of you are probably about finished with your shopping by this time but that's not how I roll.  I get 'people rage' rather quickly now that I'm in my thirties mid to late twenties. 

After we shop, I come home to take a much deserved nap and then wake up to eat Thanksgiving leftovers until I can't button my jeans without laying horizontally on the bed, sucking in as much fat as I can, while I silently pray that my zipper withstands all the pressure.

What is YOUR Black Friday routine?

Link up and tell us by clicking HERE.

Are YOU a celebrity blogger?

Hello loyal stalkers readers!

Notice anything different over here???  

No need to answer this question if this is your first time here, duh. But welcome to my NEW PAGE new stalkers!!

I got a much needed MAKEOVER from Southern Mama!  She did an AWESOME job! I feel like a ROCK STAR! Thank you soooooo much!! =)

Speaking of "RHOK STAR", I will be posting over on the RHOK today (as Mrs. Coco) so you can find my post about celebrity bloggers by clicking HERE. Please come show me some blogger love by leaving your comments.  EVEN YOU STALKERS AND LURKERS--I'M WATCHING YOU. {insert Impulsive's evil look here}

Bikinis, bellies, and babies?

Have you seen this pageant on tv?


This is fo REAL peeps!

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

Maybe I am a teeny bit jealous because I looked like the Goodyear blimp when I was pregnant.

I can only assume that she is/was a stripper. 

Nice outfit, dude.  Seriously. 

Follow Me Back Tuesday!

 Follow Me Back Tuesday is another day of the week that you can gain more followers and find other great blogs to follow on a weekly basis. Follow Me Back Tuesday is hosted by Survey Junkie, Little Yaya's, and Boobies, Babies & A Blog.

We will choose a random number every week from the blogs linked and add the random blog to the #4 spot to link to the following week (must follow the 3 hostesses to be chosen)

Guest Host Jessica from Caterpillar Family

How it Works

1. Follow the 4 hosts, #1 – 4,  ( leave us a comment & we will follow you back- only leave a comment if you follow please ).
2. Create a blog post about FMBT (you may copy this post if you wish).
3. Follow as many blogs as you would like ( Leave a comment so they can follow you back).
4. When you receive a comment from a new follower  return the favor & follow them back.

WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR??  GO LINK UP AND GRAB SOME NEW FOLLOWERS! 

I AM THANKFUL FOR MY F's

It's another installment of MckLinky Monday and Mrs. Hart over at the RHOK wants to know what I'm thankful for.  

F is not my favorite letter but apparently all my thankful's begin with it so we're rollin' wit it, m'kay?  

I am thankful for my FAITH.  Without it, I wouldn't be here.  I would probably be hot down stairs in Haiti due to situations from my teenage years and that one incident that happened in my early 20's....

I am thankful for my FAMILY.  My amazing hubs, who plays way too much golf (but I let him do it just hoping and praying that one day he will make the PGA) and who brings home the money so momma can buy new shoes and other important things, totally ROCKS MY SOCKS OFF!  

*Sidenote:  If he ever qualifies for the PGA and pulls a Tiger Woods, I'm cuttin' off his manhood.  Enough said.

And of course my miracle baby, Emma, is the sweetest angel EVER.  But I need a more current family pic since this is from JUNE. I'm a horrible person.

I am thankful for FOOD.  When I'm eating breakfast, I think about my lunch choices.  When I eat lunch, I think about what I'm making for dinner, and when I go to sleep, I dream about food;  mainly Taco Bueno, Panera, and brownies.  

These pictures show most of my THANKSGIVING cravings:

I am thankful for FERMENTED WINE.  I never use that fancy word, but I couldn't think of an appropriate F word for my alcohol addiction.  

(It's only a slight addiction so no need to ask me to join your AA group)

I am thankful for my FURRY FOUR-LEGGED princess, Lexi.  She's so warm and snuggly....and she helps me clean by hangin' out under Emma's highchair to make sure all the food gets picked up that gets thrown overboard so I don't have to sweep after every meal. She's so thoughtful.

And last but not least, I am thankful for my best FRIENDS Jennifer and Courteney.  I am such a lucky girl!

Here we are hangin' out at Jen's beach house in Me-he-co.  It didn't do much for my self-esteem though.  I had to pull out my tankini and pray that my thighs rubbing together as I walked down the hall didn't ignite a fire in her condo.  It didn't. Whew.

What are you thankful for?  Head on over to the RHOK and let us know!

(or leave it in my comments if you're feeling lazy today)

Kiss Me Once, Kiss Me No More.

Have you ever broken up with a guy because he was a HORRIBLE kisser?

I have and I'm not ashamed to admit it. Kissing is my thing. I love it. I look forward to it. It sometimes leads to more things (HOLLA--unless you have a headache) but when you are dating someone that can't kiss, it ruins E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G. Are you with me ladies?

When I first met "Beefcake", I was enamored with him from the get-go.

He was super hot.

He was incredibly sexy.

He was hysterically funny.

He was surprisingly charming.

He was a cowboy (which was a first for me!)

And when he finally asked me out, I had dreams about us sucking face.

In my head, it looked similar to this picture:

So after dinner, we headed back to his place for a movie and wine. I had butterflies in my tummy. I knew after waiting patiently for this date to finally arrive, I was gonna make out with Beefcake TONIGHT on HIS COUCH!

And then, the moment that I had dreamed about happened.

And I almost threw up.

My whole entire face was wet.

I couldn't breath. He was literally suffocating me with his saliva.

Did he just come at me with an open mouth? Oh shiz. He did.

I stood up quickly and excused myself to the bathroom so I could dry off with a towel and think about my exit strategy. I couldn't believe that Beefcake was a face-licker. I was crushed (and still a bit wet behind the ears).

After returning from the bathroom, I made up the worst lie ever about why I needed to leave and he looked confused but agreed to walk me out. I was dreading this because I knew what was going to happen as soon as I got to my car.

And just as I had predicted, as soon as he opened my door, he came at me with an open mouth similar to this picture

and what did I do?

I slammed the door.

Right in his face.

And I'm pretty sure I peeled out of his driveway.

He tried calling several times but I am no good at handling confrontation, so I chose to ignore the situation and just hope and pray that we NEVER run into each other again.

And we never did.

Yet.

And there is no need to judge me, people.

Tuesday Tidbits

Since this is Oprah's last season, and I'm a BIG fan and relative of hers, I thought I would share one of my favorite pictures of my Auntie O to my fellow blogger friends.

And I bet you di'unt know that I was going to post a pic of me and Oprah...in my school shirt. Well, let me explain. It was for an episode about the BEST teachers in the whole wide world and she picked ME! She was lovely. And skinny. I had LOTS to say to her. I'm kinda a big deal and like famous now.

In my head.

Moving on to less important tidbits....

WATCH OUT FOR THIS:

I totally fell for this trick once or twice. Okay..three times. But that's why I'm putting this warning out....because I care. You're welcome.

And now for your reading pleasure....

I think all of you fellow MOMMY'S out there should totally pick this book up for your boy childrens. They need to be well respected thugs, gangsta's and pimps fo sho and who else to teach such a christian-centered lesson other than the Berenstains? They are awesome.

Just one question:

Do you think it's time for me to endulge in a pedi for myself? And maybe a good lotion? I just need a second opinion.

And FINALLY.....

Is this not the cutest Bumble Bee you've ever seen in your whole life?

There is only one correct answer here people.

HAPPY 11th MONTH BIRTHDAY TODAY!

And FYI: I am now a writer on the Real Housewives of Oklahoma blog (I'm Mrs. CoCo) and I just posted about a less than amazing Wal-Mart experience. GO READ IT!! It will make you feel better about your life.

That is all. Happy Tuesday!

MckLinky Monday--my very FIRST one EVER!

It's MckLinky Monday over at The RHOK and I'm participating in my VERY FIRST ONE! Wanna know why? Because it's about food. I ♥ food. Miss Priss wants to know....

What's your favorite food on the Thanksgiving table?

Well, I'm quite the connoisseur of food...and I really only dislike a few things.

Of course, I had to go off and marry a boy from the upper peninsula of Michigan and they do things a TINY BIT different up there but it's all very very good. We get

"Michigan food" every other Thanksgiving. So while we're there, it basically consists of a large smorgasbord of all things delicious and evil. Dressings, casseroles, potatoes, gravy, cranberries, fancy salads, breads, 100 desserts--ALL MADE FROM SCRATCH. Don't you DARE show up to their holiday gathering with something frozen you just purchased at the Wal-Mart. Not only will they not EAT it, you will be banned from ever returning to their Thanksgiving Feast again. NO JOKE.

And then there is the Impulsive family traditions: SIMPLE. We are big eaters, don't get me wrong, and you won't leave their hungry I guarantee you that much--but it's kinda boring: Ham, Turkey, potatoes, deviled eggs, a couple of basic casseroles, and tons of desserts--some items store bought (YUCK) and some made with the help of a dusty cookbook from the 1970's.

One year, my mom was in charge of making the Turkey. Bless her heart--she sucks is not good in the kitchen but I usually give her a B for her effort. She served the turkey cold....as in chilled. She cooked it the night before (to sleep in save herself time) and didn't feel it necessary to warm it up. M was disgusted. Then there was one time when my mom was in charge of making the dressing. It came out a runny mess and it tasted burned. I was embarrassed and M was still gagging on the thought of it for several days after.

This year, I've decided to shake things up since we'll be dining with the Impulsive family again. I've read some good recipes from MckLinky and will be cookin' up some good stuff but I am going to share a recipe with you that you will thank me for later--PUMPKIN BARS! These little bites of heaven are from Miss Paula Deen (through my friend Jenny who bakes all things Paula) and you know that Paula never lets you down! Here's the recipe:

Ingredients:

BARS:

4 eggs

1 2/3 cups granulated sugar

1 cup vegetable oil

15 oz can pumpkin

2 cups sifted all purpose flour

2 teaspoons baking powder

2 teaspoons ground cinnamon

1 teaspoon salt

1 teaspoon baking soda

ICING:

8 oz package cream cheese, softened

1/2 cup butter, softened

2 cups sifted confectioners sugar

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

DIRECTIONS:

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F.

Using an electric mixer at medium speed, combine the eggs, sugar, oil and pumpkin until light and fluffy. Stir together the flour, baking powder, cinnamon, salt and baking soda. Add the dry ingredients to the pumpkin mixture and mix at low speed unitl thoroughly combined and the batter is smooth. Spread the batter into a greased 13X10 baking pan. Bake for 30 minutes. Let cool completely before frosting.

Cut into bars.

To make the icing:

Combine the cream cheese and butter in a medium bowl with an electric mixer until smooth. Add the sugar and mix at low speed until combined. Stir in the vanilla and mix again. Spread on cooled pumpkin bars.

Do you have a dish that will make my mouth water? If so, link up with us at The RHOK to share your recipe!!