Whatever you do, do NOT do this!

I hope everyone had an AMAZEBALLS Easter weekend!  I know I did.  Even though it managed to rain the entire weekend, I am still in a happy mood and wanted to publish something worth reading on this glorious Monday morning. {HA! I'm probably still in bed since I set this to publish in advance. Don't wake me up. I'm always grumpy in the am. Kthanks}


I wanted to write a post about what NOT to do before, during, and after a movie. Just a few tips from me but not necessarily from personal experience.  The movie that is in question may have been Water For Elephants. 


Ok...here we go.

1. While eating dinner before the movie, and your craptastic unenthusiastic waitress says they don't have Captain Morgan {gasp!} but they do have "Sailor Jerry" as a replacement which NOBODY has ever heard of before, do NOT stay. GET UP AND LEAVE.  Sailor Jerry is an imposture and any restaurant with a full bar that doesn't carry the best needs to have their liquor license revoked.
2. Do NOT overdo your liquor intake. Make sure before you order 2 Sailor Jerry's, that your tolerance level can handle having 2 drinks before the movie that are made up of exactly 83% imposture liquor, 15% diet pop, and 2% water from the melted ice.
3. When it has been raining all day but breaks for a second to let you walk into the restaurant, do NOT forget to bring your umbrella with you anyway so you don't look a fool with a take out bag on your head while exiting the restaurant in a sudden torrential downpour.  People will stop, point, and laugh. 
4. Do NOT wear big girl panties. Instead opt for some super sexy Depends or something equivalent. They will come in handy while running out into the torrential downpour especially if one friend is drunk and the other one is clumsy and hits the panic button on her key chain.  Hysterical laughing will ensue and peeing of the pants will commence in the parking lot of the restaurant for all to witness. 
5. Remember to buy candy at a gas station and NOT in the theater.  This way, when you drop a piece {or pieces} of precious chocolate while sharing with your friends, you won't feel like you just lost $1.25 every time a small piece hits the floor.
6. Do NOT Heytell Shawn friends in the movie theater.  It will annoy the flippy girl in front of you and she will declare to her gay boyfriend that "she can't hear" the previews.  WHATEV.  I will cut a bitch.
7. Do NOT start laughing when small inappropriate noises {think orgasmic sounds} come out of a friends mouth while a love scene is on the big screen {she thinks he is her boyfriend} and the entire theater is quiet. 
8. Do NOT forget your tissue for any crying episodes that may happen while you're hysterically laughing uncontrollably about above incident and possibly embarrassing the "quiet friend" of the group.
9. Do NOT speed past a Po-Po on the turnpike while driving home.  This could lead to a speeding ticket or at least a flash of his lights that will make you think you're busted.
10. Do NOT forget to publish incriminating evidence of the pre-movie entertainment. Thanks JennyKate and Mona for another great evening!

Austin....can you handle us? We shall see in a few short days.

Was this WANT NOT TO DO post helpful for you? I hope so.