Don't be jealous.

Hello my favorite people!  How was your holiday weekend?  Please tell me all about it!  No, seriously. Tell me. I'm bored and I need some entertainment.  You see, this is where I am:

Do you see the spot that says U.P.?  Yep.  I'm here....in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan for 6 more days visiting M's family.  You realize I can see Canada, right?  So, you get what I'm hinting at. IT'S FREAKING COLD UP HERE.  Guess what my parents did this weekend?  They opened their pool. This was what I was doing at this time last year:

I would pay BIG MONEY to be there right now holding an ice cold captain and coke with a lime twist in one hand, playing with my adorable Emma Kate in the other hand all while catching some nice warm rays that would give me some color on my chalk-white body.  I think people up here in the U.P. of Michigan HAVE to suffer from that Seasonal Affective Disorder thingy.  Poor things.   


So, yes, I'm a little MIA again this week.  My blog time will be hit or miss this week as we visit every single family member that lives within a 4 hour radius and prepare for a wedding that M gets to be a part of but DON'T YOU GUYS GIVE UP ON ME!!  I'll be back to my stalking ways soon enough.


Pray for me.  I don't have patience for some family members like I used to and it could get ugly in a hurry.

Keepin' Austin Weird and a Giveaway!

The ladies from Harried Mom of Four, JennyKate's Spot, Seriously Shawn, The Texas Darlings, The V-Spot and myself just spent a fun weekend in Austin, Texas.


Keepin' Austin Weird from Rebecca Darling on Vimeo.

Keep Austin Weird is Austin's slogan... so the six of us tried to do our part!  We shared our senses of humor, a lot of laughs and a ton of off the cuff comments {some too inappropriate to share here}. We decided to write down the funny comments that were said and turn them into a contest for all of our readers. The winner will receive Austin souvenirs, picked out by all six of us.


The contest is very easy. Below you will find six quotes. Match up the quote with who you think said it.  For example, if you think blogger A was the person who said quote #4, your answer is A=4. Leave your match-ups for A-F in ONE comment.


This contest is running on all six blogs, but there is no need to leave multiple entries, but go and visit all of these fab ladies. At the end of the contest, the reader with the most correct answers (or ties for the most correct answers) from each blog will have their name entered in a drawing. The random drawing will be held on Friday June 3rd and the winner will be announced that same day. (Then they can watch their mail box for the six separate little Austin-gifts that will be coming their way...)


Sounds fun, yes?   Here we go...

A. Becca- The Texas Darlings

B. JennyKate- JennyKates Spot

C. Jen-Harried Mom of Four

D. Vivienne- The V-Spot

E. Seriously Shawn

F. Impulsive Addict

Who said it...?
1.} Well clearly he wants to play a game called Just The Tip!
2.} Oh, that's even worse sober!
3.} He looks like a porn-star with that phony-tail and a 9th grade mustache!
4.} I'd rather be juvenile than an old fart!
5.} I think I just peed on my shoes a little.
6.} I don't know how to knick-knack my house so I don't know how to knick-knack me.


Have fun and good luck!

Here are some more quotes, just because they're too funny to go unmentioned!


* Did I shower last night? {Vivienne}
* No more free drinks! {JK}
* Ooh my sphincter! {Shawn}
* We brought the flats {Mimi & Mamarazzi} out last night but they got wet. {Becca}
* I've always wanted fallopian tube art! {Vivienne}
* We had pizza last night...right? {Vivienne}
* I can't get it in the hole, Shawn. {JK}
* Does he have his penis out? {IA}
* I might have just tinkled a little. {JK}
* I just drank matches. {IA}
* Tapas? I don't want to go to a topless restaurant! {Shawn}
* When I get waxed I yell Bradley Cooper! {Shawn}
* Either I'm in a disco or this room is spinning. {JK}
* Well if the spasm is from an orgasm than it's a good spasm! {Shawn}
* Walk away while you still can Tony Rogers {a comedian we ran into while having pizza at 4 in the morning}, we will suck you in! {JK}
* Asms are good, it's the isms you need to stay away from! {Porn star waiter who clearly was listening to our conversation!}

We Want to Know Wednesday #6

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Why hello fellow blogging friends!  I have been on a bloggy vacation and it felt wonderful at the time but now it's stressful since I'm so far behind reading my favorite blogs.  So bare with me, ok?  I'm overwhelmed.


I am linking up once again with my gal pals Janette, Mamarazzi and Shawn (my now IRL friend!) to co-host another addition of nosey questions that we want you to answer! This week, Shawn came up with these fabulous "MUST" questions:


1.} What must you do before you go to bed at night?
2.} What is one thing you must snack on at the theater?
3.} Before going on vacation what must you do?
4.} What is one thing you must do every day?
5.} Is there something you do that must be done in a particular order?


1. Bedtime- I MUST take off my makeup and brush my teeth EVERY.SINGLE.NIGHT.  Sleep won't happen if I forget.  Ask my hubby.  He'll tell you where he ranks in the bedroom.  Right under "brush my teeth" and "take off my makeup". =) Don't you judge me!!!!


2. Theater snack- Eeek! I'm not a huge snacker at the theater.  The popcorn always smells amazing but I usually pass it up because it will just end up on my azz.  If I do purchase anything, it would be something chocolate (but it would pop out of my purse because I think a 500% markup on food at a theater should be against the law).


3. Vacation- I MUST be tan! We always go somewhere warm and tropical for our vacations and you all know that tan cellulite looks better than white cellulite, right?  Well, it does.  Trust me. I would know.


4. Daily-  I MUST drink my Captain water!  Obviously, you all know I'm a huge drinker and nothing quenches my thirst like a big tall glass of Captain water! 


And I must kiss my family daily too!  I'm very affectionate.


5. Order- I MUST be OCD because everything in my life has an order. I don't stray away from my order of doing things very often either.  Do they make OCD medicine?  I just realized I may have a problem.


Now it's your turn to link up.  Leave us a comment and we will return the favor!  It's a great way to find some new amazing blogs to read! 


Happy Hump Day!

Kiss me once and then kiss me no more...

As you are reading this, I may already be having a GREAT time with Becca, Jenny, Jen, Shawn, and Viv in Austin!  I will be back next week with some embarrassing pictures but for now, please enjoy a recycled post on a kissing experience that I once had. It got a little....messy.

Have you ever broken up with a guy because he was a HORRIBLE kisser?

I have and I'm not ashamed to admit it. Kissing is my thing. I love it. I look forward to it. It sometimes leads to more things (HOLLA) but when you are dating someone that can't kiss, it ruins E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G. Are you with me ladies?

When I first met "Beefcake", I was enamored with him from the get-go.

He was super hot.

He was incredibly sexy.

He was hysterically funny.

He was surprisingly charming.

He was a cowboy (which was a first for me!)

And when he finally asked me out, I had dreams about us sucking face.

In my head, it looked similar to this picture:

So after dinner, we headed back to his place for a movie and wine. I had butterflies in my tummy. I knew after waiting patiently for this date to finally arrive, I was gonna make out with Beefcake TONIGHT on HIS COUCH!

And then, the moment that I had dreamed about happened!

And I almost threw up.

My whole entire face was wet.

I couldn't breath. He was literally suffocating me with his saliva.

Did he just come at me with an open mouth? Oh shiz. He did.

I stood up quickly and excused myself to the bathroom so I could dry off with a towel and think about my exit strategy. I couldn't believe that Beefcake was a face-licker. I was crushed (and still a bit wet behind the ears).

After returning from the bathroom, I made up the worst lie ever about why I needed to leave (forgive me sweet baby Jesus) and he looked confused but agreed to walk me out. I was dreading this because I knew what was going to happen as soon as I got to my car.

And just as I had predicted, as soon as he opened my door, he came at me with an open mouth similar to this picture

and what did I do?

I slammed the door.

Right in his face.

And I'm pretty sure I peeled out of his driveway.

He tried calling several times but I am no good at handling confrontation, so I chose to ignore the situation and just hope and pray that we NEVER run into each other again.

And we never did.

Yet.

Please tell me you've had a similar experience?

And there is no need to judge me, people.

Have a great weekend my friends! I know I will be~

We Want To Know Wednesday #5

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Hey friends!  It's my favorite day of the week! It's time to answer these 5 questions brought to us by Mamarazzi and link up to our WWTK linky party.  C'mon!  Everyone's doing it.  It's fun and it will hopefully bring some new followers your way.


Here are the questions for this week:


{1} If you could choose a Super Power, what would it be?

{2} What would be your first frivolous purchase if you were awarded a million dollars tomorrow?

{3} What would be the hardest current luxury for you to give up?

{4} If you were given a choice between being given great wisdom and great wealth, which would you choose?

{5} If you were to be stranded on a deserted island for 100 days what 5 THINGS would you pack?


1. Super power-I would want the power of Telepathy. I want to be able to snoop into everyone's mind and read their thoughts because that's how I roll....

2. Frivolous purchase-My million dollars would help buy this piece of Hawaiian heaven:

3. Luxury Item-My iPhone.  It's with me 98.3% of the time.  I use it for everything.  When I was in Hot Springs this weekend (did you read that post from Monday?) it helped me find the mall and restaurants.  It's my GPS.  It's how I stay connected. It's my lifeline.  I could easily give up my computer but I could NOT easily part from my phone.


4. Great Wisdom or Great Wealth-Well, wisdom stays with you forever (unless you get Alzheimer's) but I married a smart man (Hello? He married me didnt he?) so I'll pick wealth for 1000 Alex.  It's the least I can do to support my family.


5. 5 Things:
{1} My iPhone/iPad because what deserted island doesn't have cell phone reception in this day and time?
{2} My Kindle.  I will be able to catch up on all my reading for the next 100 days.
{3} My bathing suit so I can work on my tan and come home brown as a biscuit. 
{4} Lots of food and water (and don't forget my Captain and Coke) so I don't starve to death or lose my girly curves.  Momma likes to eat!
{5} My toothbrush.  I can't stand to have dirty teeth or stinky breath.


(And I'm assuming my family is with me, right?)


Other possible items that deserve a shout out:

• My pillow
• Sunscreen
• Sunglasses
• Makeup bag
• Brush
• Hairdryer
• Deordorant
• Snorkel gear

Ok...so now I want to be nosey and read YOUR answers!  Make sure to visit my partners in crime: Janette, Mamarazzi, and Shawn and share some love with them too.  

NOTE: I always do my best to visit people who link up but I start with the people that leave me comments first.  We've had an incredible amount of traffic and link ups with this over the past few weeks and we couldn't be happier! THANK YOU SO MUCH!

When you link up, please do the following:
Please include our super cute button on your post.
Please link your WWTK post (not your entire blog) to our linky at the bottom. {If you don't know how, ask us!}
Please mention and link all four of us in your post.

My Spa Weekend "Adventure"

So, I'm behind on reading blogs.  Again.  Go ahead, tell me I suck.  I can take it.  But it was too much of an "adventure" not to blog about so here we go....


A three hour trip to our destination of Hot Springs, Arkansas took us 4 hours.  Thank you two-laned roads and steep curves.


We see this "unique" mailbox on our drive:

Um, WOW! Only in Arkansas!

We FINALLY arrive at our hotel {which is called The Arlington Bath and Spa} but we were a little bit disappointed that the hotel was ancient, our room needed updating, and our view was a trashy roof top of another part of the building but we didn't care!  WE WERE GOING TO THE SPA!

We walk into the spa and were told to "strip down and put this on". As in TAKE EVERYTHING OFF AND WRAP UP IN THIS THIN WHITE SHEET. 


What?  


THE HELL YOU SAY!


I'm super modest.  You people know this about me, right?  My lovely boss had signed me up for a mud bath and a massage.  The part that I didn't know about was I don't give myself a bath. Aunt Jemima does.  I'm not even joking.  


She walked me into a room with a tub, held a towel up (for my privacy?) and waited for me to drop my sheet and hop in.  So I did....while covering all my girly bits with arms and hands.  It was official.  I was NOT going to like this business at all. She pours the mud in and lets me soak for 20 minutes. Guess what?  My "girls" had buoyancy!  I couldn't make them get under the mud where they belong.  It was nice but not the right time for buoyancy. Stupid minerals in that fresh spring water. And my toe got sucked in by the jets.  Lame.


So, she comes in to scrub me up.  Can you say uncomfortable?  She managed to take off my fake tan with the harsh loofa. It only took me 5 weeks to get that shade.  No biggie.


THE HELL YOU SAY!


Next, she sends me to a sauna to sweat out my toxins.  Mascara is stinging my eyes and my contacts are on fire but I'm pretty sure I lost 5 pounds in my azz so it was worth it, right? Thank you sweat.


Next up is laying on cots in a room with 10 other women while getting wrapped up like a mummy in steaming hot towels around my arms, back and legs. The lady next to me proceeds to tell me how floor 3 is haunted.  GUESS WHO'S STAYING ON FLOOR 3? 


THE HELL YOU SAY!


Aunt Jemima takes a smoke break, and I had to wait in a waiting room in my fresh thin white sheet for my masseuse.  She was Aunt Jemima's sister.  She ripped off my sheet and told me to get on the table.  I WAS STANDING THERE NEKKID AND IN SHOCK PEOPLE!! Needless to say, I couldn't fully enjoy and relax during my massage.  I was worried about how the dismount would go when it was time for me to get up and leave. 
{FYI: She told me to get up, she re-wrapped my sheet, and sent me on my way}.



Ok...so this was longer than I wanted it to be so let me bullet point the rest:

• At dinner, our waiter invited us to his house. We didn't go.
• On our walk back to hotel after dinner, we were honked at, yelled at, whistled at and accidentally fondled. 
• In the elevator, we were asked to attend the song writing conference with "Curly" and "Moe".
• After exiting the elevator, we were asked about pot.
• While snuggling in my bed to get ready for "girl chat", I felt something crawling on me.  It was either a crab or a tick.  I really hope it was a tick.
• Some of us may have had too much to drink.  

NOT ME THOUGH.

• I was yelled at/complimented/and preached at by a mad man while loading our car for the ride home.
• The ride home took 6 hours instead of 4.  The GPS took us a different route so we got to see this lovely sign:

Because of this:

That would be a LAKE covering our road back home.

• Stopped at one of these to take care of some business:

It had its own ventilation system and reading material of which I needed neither. Kthanks.

• Had to wait 129 hours for this light to change so we could drive on a one lane road: 

• And I was car sick for 5 out of the 6 hours.

THE HELL YOU SAY!  

Raise your hand if you are jealous.

P.S.  Because I want to make this "officially" the longest post ever, did you notice anything different about my page?  I got a new do!

Thank you Blue Lux for working with me!  You were amazing and I love my new look!  

Please add my new cute button to your page if you have my old one, ok? 

Thanks to those of you who read the whole thing.  I'm exhausted from proofing it for errors so if you see one, ignore it.

Friday Confessional 5*13*11

Well, since Blogger is whack lately, this is obviously late.  So, lets get on with some steamy confessions, shall we?
I confess that THREE people sent text messages to my darling husband to remind him about Mother's Day since he's not the greatest at remembering important days of the year. One person even went as far as telling him that I wanted an iPad. Guess what?  MOMMA GOT AN iPAD! Thanks Rhonda, Jenny, and MOM. Love you! xoxo
I confess that while out jogging on Monday night, I had to tinkle but not bad enough to stop my Couch 25K program so I decided to 'cop a squat' next to my own house.  What? It was getting pretty dark and there's nobody around that could have seen me. Well, as I was doing my business, I managed to pee all over my hand.  I made a face, wiped my hand on the grass, and kept running.  Don't worry...I washed my hands as SOON as I was finished.  Besides, urine is sterile.  Where's that silly P-style when you need it?
I confess that while jogging last night, I was a sweaty mess because it was so warm.  As I was jogging (slowly because I HATE it and my calves burn like hell), I looked down at my arms and my self tanner was running off of me in puddles. Niiiice. I should have used a tanning bed instead.  
I confess that I have a Spa Weekend trip to Hotsprings, Arkansas this weekend thanks to my boss.  Please pray that I come home with all my teeth and that I don't marry my cousin.  (Arkansas friends--you know I love ya!  We have to give you a hard time!)
I confess that I have adopted the saying "THE HELL YOU SAY" a lot lately since JennyKate said it over on the twitter this week.  I've said it about 29 times this week.
And speaking of JennyKate...
I confess that I'm so sad I missed the RHOK Out last night.  JK was singing karaoke to the likes of Baby Got Back, Humpty Dance, and Bottoms Up just to name a few.  I have video people! It was PRICELESS.  But I'll just leave you with a picture for now.  Maybe a video later?

What's on your mind?  Do you need to confess to me?  Please do. I'm a great listener! Go visit my girl Mamarazzi for more Friday Confessions! 

P.S.  My secret that I was supposed to "show" you (from yesterday's post) was that I have a new layout and it's GORGEOUS but blogger has messed that up.  Hopefully you'll be able to see it soon.

My Favorite Things Thursday

Wow!  Our WWTK link up parties have been a HUGE success! Thank you so much to all of you that linked up yesterday!

Moving on to....

Miss Melanie wants to know about my favorite restaurant.  I'm sure it's obvious that I love food (like LOVE LOVE) so this was really hard for me.  I've narrowed it down to two places.


The first one is Saltgrass. 

Google images

If you live in Texas, I know you've heard of it.  I'm not sure if this delicious chain have sneaked into other states yet but they should.  The whole menu is to die for. And let's not talk about their amazeball desserts.


My second choice is any sushi restaurant that serves me some of this:

Google images

There isn't anything else that will make my mouth drool and salivate like a plate of sushi rolls with some soy sauce and wasabi (except for a pan of slightly undercooked brownies).  In fact, I will be eating some amazing sushi rolls on Tuesday night with my girl JennyKate and our non-blogger friend Mona at a place called In the Raw for our monthly GNO. Doesn't that sound yummy?


What is your favorite restaurant?  DO TELL!


P.s. I have a secret to show you tomorrow!  No, I won't be showing you a baby bump. 

We Want To Know Wednesday #4

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Welcome back for our 4th week of WWTK Wednesday hosted by Janette, Mamarazzi, Shawn and yours truly. This week, our adorable Janette came up with the 5 questions for us to answer.

 

1. What game show have you always thought you could be on and totally WIN!
2. Do you have a tattoo(s)? What are they and what made you chose them? If not, would you get one, yes/no/why?
3. What is your favorite piece of jewelry that you own?
4. What is your driving pet peeve(s)?
5. What was your favorite sitcom growing up that you wish was still on?

1. Game Show--I really think I could kick some azz playing Password (not the old one but the newer one hosted by my man, Regis). I rock at word games and my favorite board game is Taboo. Does anybody wanna play me?

2. Tattoo's--I have 2 white trash tattoos.  My first one is so juvenile.  It's a blue moon with a rose going through it on the "lower" part of my body.  I was 18 and stupid. And I cried a little.  My second tat, a butterfly, was inked 10 years later on an impulse with 3 of my friends in Texas.  It's on my lower back (but it is NOT a tramp stamp people). I would post pictures but I'm not going to subject you to that torture. Are you judging me right now?

3. Fav Jewelry--My wedding ring is my favorite piece of jewelry.  M picked it out all by himself and I had NO CLUE that he was thinking of proposing when he did.  He actually had great taste (for once).  I love it! Thanks Honey Bunny!

4. Driving Peeve--Oy. I have several but I'll try to limit it to three:

a) Don't text and drive. It kills people.  I don't care what you think.  It does.  And you swerve like you're drunk so stop.

b) If you're in the left lane on the highway and people are passing you at lightening speed in the right lane, GET YOUR AZZ OVER!  It's called the fast lane for a reason.

c) Do not smoke in your car with the windows rolled up while you have all your childrens in the car with you. It makes me want to run you off the road and rescue your kids. (Don't put it passed me either because I have major road rage tendencies.) IMO, It's cruel and should be punishable somehow. 

**END OF RANT** 

5.  Fav sitcom--If you know me at all, you know I'll say Friends.  

Why did they have to quit?  I wanted to grow old with Jenn and Courtney.  Rachel's baby was named Emma.  My daughter's name is Emma.  Coincidence? I still DVR old episodes and I have the Friends trivia game. I have major issues with wanting to be friends IRL with them. I'm currently seeking therapy.


There ya have it, Lovies!  My five questions answered.  We would love for you to play along! Write your post and link up!  


Happy Hump Day!

Links must lead to WWTK posts that contain the WWTK button. Posts should lead to family friendly blogs. Blogs containing explicit language and sexually explicit content should contain an "adult content warning" or risk being removed from the link list.