Friday, December 30, 2011

4th Quarter Review Extravaganza

I can't believe the end of 2011 happens this weekend. It's been a great year but I'm also ready to see what 2012 brings. 

I'm blogging my 4th quarter review posts today. If you're bored and want to read my previous quarters, click HERE, HERE, and HERE.

I was hangin' out with one of my bloggy besties, Shawn, doing things we shouldn't have been doing, posting a VLOG about it, and going on alligator hunts.

While in Florida, I also got engaged {to a girl} and did pushups while drunk {which was caught on video}. 

I took the time to list highlights from my trip and snapped a couple of pics of Shawn peeing her pants.

I posted things to be thankful for which included our secret buddy PAUL and this beautiful camwow picture:

I posted about the most awkward and embarrassing moment I've ever had with my dad that involved my boobs during this motorcycle ride:

I also posted a final VLOG from my trip to see Shawn and this time, I caught her farting and peeing on video.

I posted 3 of my favorite pictures {of myself}. That was tough.

For Halloween, Emma Kate was the cutest wittle wady bug ever!

I posted a super sappy love note to my husband on our wedding anniversary. *puke*

I blogged about my first Earthquake and what I was in the middle of doing when it happened. {It's probably not what you think.}

We had some pictures taken.

I made some confessions and blogged about seeing Breaking Dawn with my homegirls JK and Jiff.

I talked about my blogging pet peeves {and my pinterest addiction}

I posted Emma's story as she celebrated her 2nd birthday.

I talked about my ovaries hating me so much that one went into hiding down south.

I posted about M's work Christmas party going into white-trash mode at a rapid pace and about the office manager makin' moves on my man.

And finally, I posted about my HELLMART EXPERIENCE that made me cry all the way home.

I didn't do too much posting in November and December but don't you worry your pretty little eyes out. As soon as my in-laws leave next week, I'll be back with a vengeance. I have a lot of azz kissing to do around the blogosphere. *KISS KISS*

How did your 4th quarter shape up? Link up and tell us!

Have you checked out the other hosts? Emmy Mom, CA Girl, Emilisq, Janette of Johanson Journey, Mimi Living in France and Runner Mom


Monday, December 26, 2011

Hellmart Strikes Again.

Hello beautiful {and handsome} blogger friends. I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas with your family and friends and Santa brought you everything on your wish list. <---So cheesy. 

I'm probably stuffing my face right now since my in-laws are here and my MIL bakes the ENTIRE time she's here. I'll probably gain 10 pounds in 10 days. I'll keep you posted.

It's time for TTUT for the last time this year. Have you met my co-host Shawn? She's super funny and we have a blast reading your posts. Thank you all so much for linking up with us each week!

My topic this week will be on Hellmart. You know this place. We all have one. The place with the sweet door greeter that's about 90, the home of low prices and that annoying yellow smiley face that you see everywhere you turn.

Last week, when I thought I was recovering from my cold, I took Emma to Walmart Hellmart. I needed to pick up some last minute items for baking. I picked a time that I thought all the crazies would still be in bed and a time where Emma wouldn't be too cranky....10:00am.

I picked the wrong time.

The first Emma meltdown happened in the parking lot before entering the store. She wanted to ride in the basket where the groceries go. I compromised {which meant I gave her a sucker if she would quit crying and sit where I wanted her to sit}. I won round 1.

After being in the store for 5 minutes, my stomach gurgled. NOT GOOD. I lasted 2 minutes until I realized we had a code brown on our hands. I raced to the bathroom quickly, praying that I wouldn't shart. I was wearing my pretty panties!! I grabbed Emma and headed to the handicapped stall. DON'T YOU PEOPLE JUDGE ME! There was 2 of us. I NEEDED THE EXTRA ROOM

So, after completing my bizness, Emma walks over and says "Mommy poo-poo" about 58 times which was followed by "shoo-wee Mommy" which was followed up with "bye bye poo poo" when flushing. Of course I'm grabbing her so she doesn't get showered with poo flakes. I HATE PUBLIC RESTROOMS AND I HATE MY BODY FOR ALWAYS MAKING ME USE THEM. Hellmart won Round 2.

As I'm finishing up my shopping, Emma is getting fidgety. She is flailing around in the seat and starting meltdown #2. As she is in the middle of her tantrum, she falls forward and smacks her nose on the handle. ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE. She's screaming and grabbing her nose. I immediately fumble for her fruit snacks that were hidden in my purse. {They make everything better.} I quickly open them up and DROP THE SONS OF BIATCHES ON THE FLOOR OF HELLMART! As I feel the tears billowing up in my eyes, Emma freaks out thinking that she's not getting her fruit snacks, throws her head forward {again} and busted her lip on the handle. WHAT THE HELL HAVE I DONE TO DESERVE THIS? 

Blood is dripping. People are staring and moving backwards as if I'm spreading AIDS to everyone around me.

So I did the unthinkable. I gave her the dirty already-been-on-the-ground fruit snacks and saved the day. I just kept telling myself that I observed the 2 second rule. It doesn't make me feel any better. Hellmart wins rounds 3, 4, and 5.

At this point, I'm ready to leave. We check out and Emma wants to help push the basket. This poor kid has had a bad day so she gets to help push. Fine. 

As I'm getting money out to give to the salvation army bell ringer, Emma crashes and burns. She falls and bangs her head which is followed by a loud scream. I WAS BEING GENEROUS AND THIS IS HOW I GET REPAID? 

Screw you, Hellmart. 

I loaded up Emma in my car and cried all the way home.

If you read that whole disaster story, thank you. If not, it's ok. You know my dislike for long posts with no pictures.  

Now, it's your turn! Link up with us and tell us a story. Have a great Tuesday!!

Friday, December 23, 2011

Review Extravaganza Week 3

Hello friends! I have been MIA this week. I was on my deathbed for about 3 days {I'm practically healed thanks to hourly prayers} and now I'm playing catch up with housework and baking, etc. The in-laws will be arriving later today and I AM NOT READY YET. Their departure date has yet to be determined.

Here is my review for July, August and September. You can find my review for the 1st quarter by clicking HERE and the 2nd quarter by clicking HERE.

I talked about ways to keep a healthy level of insanity {and one of those things MAY have to do with a box of condoms and a fitting room}. If you like to play jokes, this is a must-read post.

I smelled poo in my classroom and it wasn't on our shoes.

I said farewell to my gig as co-host of We Want To Know Wednesday.

There was the "Two Girls, The Captain and a Vlog" post that made me realize that I may need to stop drinking out of flasks.

And THIS happened:

This picture made me laugh:
This became my favorite picture of the summer:

I confessed my HATRED towards AT&T, I found out I had the SAME EXACT ADDRESS as my neighbors, I talked about SEEING RED on my iphone which messes with my self-diagnosed OCD, I got my first SEXTEXT  {it wasn't from the hubby}, and I was BROKEN UP WITH via vlog by JennyKate all in one blog post.

I "daydreamed" about going back to Me-he-co {except NOT pregnant like I was in this picture} and I made fun of my ginormous pregnant boobs.

I went unplugged for 8 very long hours with Connie and Emmy Mom. We were successful and swore to NEVER take that challenge again. EIGHT hours without our cell phones? What were we thinking?

My first Words of Wisdom Wednesday post was on things you should NOT say during sex. The second one was things you should NOT say when your wife says she's pregnant.

Shawn and I began our fun meme called Talk To Us Tuesday {the meme with NO RULES} and it was a success!

And finally, I blogged about meeting Oprah, falling for a penis trick, pimping, and about needing a pedi.

That's it for me for this week. How about you? Will you be linking up with us? Give us your review for July, August and September and we'll come by and see how much fun you had this summer! The link will be open until Tuesday.  

Please check out our other co-hosts too! Emmy Mom, CA Girl, Emilisq, Janette of Johanson Journey, Mimi Living in France and Runner Mom


Monday, December 19, 2011

A Christmas Party Goes White Trash

Welcome to TTUT #15! My bloggy buddy, Seriously Shawn, along with yours truly, host this lovely link up every week and it's the highlight of my week! NO RULES and straight GIRL TALK! So fun, right?

Let's get to it...

Saturday night was M's company Christmas party. The night started out really nice. Yummy appetizers, open bar, nice steak dinner and dessert table. We had games and raffles to win great prizes and guess who won this:
That's right! I won a Kindle Fire! Woo-hoo! 

Ok, so I lied a tiny bit. TECHNICALLY, M won the Kindle but we all know that really means I won it.

Moving on....

We took the opportunity to capture a shot of us before all the crazies crashed the party. I think it turned out pretty good.

So...going back to that open bar....Let's just say that SOMEONE ended up being one of the crazies. SOMEONE sang Strokin' {you know the lyrics, right? "stroke it to the left and stroke it to the right....and who could forget the Clarence Carter, Clarence Carter...ooooh shiz" part, right?} and Ice Ice Baby on karaoke {and it was recorded for blackmailing purposes}. SOMEONE danced like a fool. SOMEONE tried their hand at twirling me on the dance floor but that ended badly. SOMEONE wanted another picture so they could be the funny man and pose like this:

You totally thought that SOMEONE was me, didn't you? WRONG AGAIN my blogger friends! I can hold my Captain, THANKYOUVERYMUCH.

I almost slapped a hoe. Wanna see why?


Yep. This little hussie was dirty dancin' and touching parts of his body that she didn't need to be touching AND SHE'S HIS OFFICE MANAGER!!! Good thing I'm not too jealous or I would have pushed her over in her cheap azz high heeled hooker boots. Apparently her hubby is confident in her faithfulness. So, I did the only thing that came to my {SOBER} mind. I took the hat with my teeth and slapped it on my head.
Then I found out it belonged to a 12 year old boy. *shaking my head*

After the Christmas party, we went to our friends house where a big bash was in full effect. Guess who the hit of the party was?

Have you ever heard of a wallop? It's the bag that's in a box of wine. The boys from the U.P. of Michigan have only broken one bag of wine and it was on my wedding night from the 9th floor of our {nice} hotel. It burst open in the foyer. Boys are so stupid. Anyway, M was carrying around a wallop and making people punch it to prove that it couldn't be broken. If they didn't break it, they had to drink.
Sooooo stupid.

Guess what? It finally broke.
Good thing it happened outside.

The next day, someone had a nice GINORMOUS headache AND his beloved Packers lost their first game of the season. It wasn't a great day at the Impulsive house.

And finally.....

In other news, I tried my hand at being a tiny bit crafty. I really wanted to do something to spruce up my wrapped gifts so I tried this:

And mine turned out like this:
Not horrible. I used reversible paper. I tried it without reversible paper (like in the pinterest picture) and I didn't like it as much.  So I'm giving myself an "atta-girl" on this craptastic craft project.

What's new with you? Talk to us! We love to read all your posts for TTUT! Link up with us and give us some juicy gossip or your favorite Christmas recipe or tell us what your plans are this weekend. We'll be happy to listen! The link will be open until Saturday.
PS. I'm on my deathbed today. I promise I will visit each one of you. It will just be later. I need my bed, some kleenex and SLEEP. Too bad stay-at-home mom's don't get sick days.

Anniversary Post with a Side of Acupuncture

This month marks my 3 year bloggiversary and I would like to celebrate with my 2nd post of all time. {The very first one was short and stupid}. It's a lesson on acupuncture!  

Welcome to December of 2008....
Okay, so how far am I really willing to go to get knocked up? I don't even like needles! But when you have a doctor tell you that it "could" help, then you should do it, right? Well, it's only taken a couple of years since hearing that advice to make my first appointment to the acupuncturist who doubles as a chiropractor.
I went in for my free consultation yesterday. He starts talking about my "meridians" and I got scared. I had so many questions but my mouth wouldn't move to ask them! What is a meridian and how many needles will go in it? Did he just say the words "conception vessel"? I already know how to get pregnant. Duh! He also asks me to bring a pair of shorts with me at my next appointment. Hmmm...ok.
So with a lot of hesitation, I decided to make my appointment for today. Call me crazy.
When I arrived, he told me to change into my shorts and lay on the exam table. He comes back into the room and I'm shaking all over. He procedes to show me his laser which is what he was going to use on the first visit since I seemed out of sorts with the whole needles-all-in-your-body plan. I won't bore you with all the details but I will tell you that I learned 5 important tidbits today:

(1) The laser can still be painful
(2) His female assistant had to be in the room for a couple of the spots he had to laser (enough said)
(3) He gave me a "homework assignment" of stimulating my conception vessel and I refuse to tell you how I have to do that.
(4) I have 4 tiny bb's taped in both of my ears that are helping my uterus do something but I can't tell you why or how.
(5) If you are having trouble with your gall bladder, you apply pressure to your pinky toe.

My next appointment is on Tuesday. According to my research online, I need to go twice a week for about 6 weeks to "increase the flow of energy, called Qi". Let's hope that these Chinese people knew what they were doing or else I'm asking for a refund!

{And no, it didn't help me get pregnant. But Emma was conceived a few short months later.}


Don't forget to link up with Sassy Shawn and myself for Talk To Us Tuesday tomorrow. No rules. Just girltalk. The juicer the better too. Ok, I'm off to wrap more presents! Please don't give up on me. Just give me until January to get back into my normal bloggy visits, ok?



Sunday, December 18, 2011

LG Me Please

This post brought to you by LG DoublePlay™. All opinions are 100% mine.

Have you guys checked out the new LG DoublePlay that T-Mobile has been promoting? You know how I love my iPhone but I may be changing my mind.  Listen to these awesome features on the LG:

  • The LG DoublePlay™ has a touch screen AND a full slide out keyboard which would allow you to check out facebook while surfing the web, checking your email or text at the same time.
  • It has a camera {with a flash} and a video recorder.
  • This phone also offers multiple messaging options like iCloud and group texting {which is so popular these days} and you also have the ability to send and receive texts from a PC or tablet. 
  • The LG DoublePlay  features Android 2.3 with access to Android Market. You have complete user customization with SEVEN home screens and up to NINE touch screens! That's amazing!
  • This phone is the ULTIMATE social networking phone. It even has a split QWERTY keyboard and dual capacitive touch screens.
How many hours do you think you spend texting or engaging in social media like facebook, blogger, or twitter? I know my answer will scare me. It's a LOT. Especially during Emma's naps or after she goes to bed.
How do you think the LG DoublePlay would change the way that you text or interact with all of your additions to social media? Work smarter not harder, right?
So what are your thoughts? Tell me what you think. Do you own an LG DoublePlay?

Visit Sponsor's Site


Friday, December 16, 2011

Review Extravaganza Week 2

It's Friday and this month that means reviewing your great or not-so-great posts from 2011. This Friday, we are reminiscing the months of April, May, and June.

Let's take care of a little housekeeping first. 

*Please remember that if you are trying accumulate points to win the 8 gifts that we'll be mailing one lucky winner, then our cute little button needs to be on your post! {See my side bar for the code. Need help? Just ask me.}

*If you are new or changed your mind about wanting to play, IT'S NOT TOO LATE! Link up a review post by next Tuesday and you'll be in the drawing! Click HERE to review the rules.

*If you want a bonus point, you can follow all the hosts and leave a comment for Emmymom by clicking HERE. I've linked the hosts up for you by name: Emmy Mom, CA Girl, Emilisq, Impulsive Addict, Janette of Johanson Journey, Mimi Living in France and Runner Mom

**I ADDED MORE PICTURES THIS TIME {and a couple of videos} so scroll through at your leizure.
*I took on inventing new words with one of them being VAGINATARIAN which means something along the lines of "a vegetarian who behaves like a vagina". 

*Mimi made me this for Easter:

*I fell in love with an app called CamWow.

*I showed you a picture of Dad's white trash scaffolding set-up. Yes, we're classy like that in Oklahoma.

*I told you WHAT NOT TO DO before going to the movies with a drunk friend.

*Emma falls victim to the CamWow.

*I posted about a shirt I wanted to get M.
It's a joke, people. Don't send me hate mail.
*I became famous and got MY VERY OWN STAR IN TULSA thanks to Yogi.
*I came up with a new motto to live by.

*I posted this amazeballs picture for Man Candy Monday.

*I explained to Shawn, JennyKate, and Connie my friends what would happen if you text and drive.
*I blogged about THE WORST SPA ADVENTURE WEEKEND I've ever had with Aunt Jemima and all my awkward nakedness. 
*Thanks to Becca's mad video skills, I got to post an awesome video of meeting some of my favorite bloggers in Austin {Shawn, Viv, Becca, Jen, and JennyKate rode with me since we're grade school friends}. You better believe we KEPT AUSTIN WEIRD

*I posted some sassy pics of my weekend in Austin.

And I discovered that I am a BOOB girl.

*I posted another video {thank you again, Becca} with our funniest one-liners and the announcement of the winner of our Austin Giveaway.

A Winner in Austin!! from Rebecca Darling on Vimeo.
*I blogged about the KFC catered wedding and how THIS PICTURE is awesome. I like to call it "BEER BRIDE".
*M FINALLY shows his moves and gets low.
*Emma makes a wish.

*I posted 2 of the WORST pick-up lines I have ever heard.
"What has 142 teeth and holds back the incredible hulk? My zipper."  And "Did you fart? Because you just blew me away."

Whew. There was a LOT of blogging from me in those 3 months. 

So, there you have it. My review for April, May, and June. Now it's your turn. Link up and we'll come around to see how your Spring shaped up!