Monday Can Suck It.

<br /><center> <a href="http://confessionsfromanimplusiveaddict.blogspot.com/"><img src="http://i855.photobucket.com/albums/ab115/Emmymom/HiRes.jpg" /></a></center> <br /> Hi friends. Thanks for stopping by and hopefully linking up with Shawn and myself for our weekly Talk To Us Tuesday meme.

I must warn you....I'm in a foul mood.

Do you remember when your momma told you that if you didn't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all?

Well, I'm breaking another rule of my moms. Don't worry. She's used to it. 

I have NOTHING nice to say today but I'm still talking about it.

I'm bitter. 
I'm angry. 
I'm sad. 
I'm hurt.

But don't worry. I won't elaborate on any of that. And I won't talk about how our Halloween plans got cancelled because Emma got scarlet fever just hours before heading to Texas or how my live-in father-in-law didn't get home in time for us to join some friends for dinner on Saturday night.

Let's just talk about my Monday, shall we?

It's the day of maternity pictures. YAY, right? The day started off with Emma and I taking a quick shower together. We do this often. No big deal.

But today, Emma slipped and fell and hit her head.

Awesome.

STRIKE ONE.

Then this happened: 

That, my friends, would be BRIGHT RED NAIL POLISH all over my bathroom. STRIKE TWO. 

And if that wasn't bad enough, some even landed on my bedroom carpet. 

The pictures don't do it justice. It has stained my grout y'all. It's on my clothes. It's on my legs. It's on the bottom of my FLIPPING FEET.

I sobbed uncontrollably for 20 minutes. My hands were pink from trying to scrub the polish away. My face was now puffy.  I HAD PICTURES IN 2 HOURS!!!

I even took a picture of my puffy cry-baby face like the true blogger that I am. Wanna see it?

Next up, I had to iron our clothes. So, afterwards, I unplugged the iron and told Emma that it was "very hot" and not to touch. 

Apparently, she didn't believe me or she's defiant like me. When I left the room, I realized how quiet she got. She's not a quiet kid. I walked into the living room to see her sitting by the couch. She said she "hurt her hand". I looked over to see the IRON laying on my floor. 

STRIKE 3. 

ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?

She never even cried. It's blistering up and looking gross. I feel like a failure of a mom at this point.

So we go to take family pictures. Do you think that my 2 year old was cooperative? HELLZ NO. She was horrible! I wanted to cry again. I even had to spank her bum as we looked at our proofs. Perfect. My photographer probably thinks I beat her on a regular basis. So maybe this could be STRIKE 4?

On the way home, I mention to M that I had dinner in the crockpot. 

He asked what it was. I told him a simple chicken and rice recipe. 

He balked.

I cried. Aaaagain. {pregnancy hormones perhaps?}

He likes red meat. I like chicken. He better just be glad I cook is all I have to say about that. And don't think he doesn't get red meat. HE DOES. Just not every day. {That was NOT meant to sound dirty. I'm not in a dirty mood today.}

So, this whole day just blows. I will say that M fixed the carpet stains and thinks he can fix the grout too. That's a positive, right?

And, here is my beautiful brat of a daughter posing before our pictures:

And last but not least, here is one of my favorite pictures from today. It was pinterest-inspired.

There.

I tried to end on a positive note. If you hung on and read this entire blog post, I applaud you. I'm not sure that I feel any better but I will.

What are you talking about today? Link up and tell us!

Emmy--you know your 10 Things meme is one of my favorites and I'm very sad that I didn't realize it before I typed this post up. =(

Embracing the Embarrassment for TTUT.

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Hey friends! I DID NOT forget about the link party SS and I have going on this week! That's huge! 

I've been dealing with lots of snot and boogers as of lately {mine AND Emma's} so I'm choosing to re-tell a story that still makes me laugh at the memory...

All was quiet in my classroom.  My sweet little 4th graders were reading a chapter in their library books.  I was calling each student back to my desk to review a recent Math assessment.  While we reviewed answers together, I would stop and make eye contact and have them repeat things back to me to make sure they understood their mistake.  A few of the students had tried to tell me something by starting the sentence with "Mrs. Impulsive?" but I feared it was a story that would take several minutes so I refocused them on our topic at hand.

After all students had been called back to my desk, it was coming up on lunch time. I talked to them briefly about what was coming up later in the day, had them line up, and out the door we went to wash up.

While I waited on my precious babies to take care of bathroom business, I talked to a few teachers scurrying around the halls during their planning period.  I also spent several minutes talking to a parent who was there to eat lunch with her daughter.

After walking my lovies into the cafeteria, I went into the office and mentioned something to our Vice Principal.  He had a puzzled look on his face. I thought maybe he had some gas so I hurried out of his office so he could let one rip. <--That's what boys do, right?

I made some copies, talked to a few of the new teachers, popped my lunch into the microwave and went to take a much needed potty break.  As I'm washing my hands, I look up to check my make up and lipstick and do you know what I see?

THE BIGGEST UGLIEST GREENEST BOOGER YOU HAVE EVER SEEN HANGING OUT OF SOMEONES NOSE!

I was completely and utterly mortified!!  I started remembering how many people I had talked to, the confused looks on people's faces, and how my students were probably trying to tell me that I had a massive boog hanging out of my nose and I kept cutting them off!  *IDIOT*

google image

Which brings me to a question: Why is it so hard to tell someone (who is not a family member or bff) that they have a bat in the bat cave?

This is just another embarrassing moment in the life of IA. There are so many more stories where this came from. I just don't always like to relive them. But for you, my darling friends, I just might.  

You're welcome.

**Don't forget to link up for Talk To Us Tuesday.  Anything goes!  Tell us about your day, your week, random tidbits, YOUR embarrassing story, your grocery store experience, what color you painted your fingernails etc. The possibilities are endless! 

"Tooting" on TTUT

*INSERT CUTE TTUT BUTTON HERE* Stupid computer.
Hey friends! Happy Tuesday to you! Shawn and I are back to give you another edition of Talk To Us Tuesday. I hope you're enjoying our link party. We have so many great blogs that link up every week! Thank you!!

So...I have a confession. I realized on SATURDAY that I didn't visit one single blog last week. I told Shawn on Tuesday that I was dropping Emma off at Mother's Day Out and going home to read blogs and work on a Shutterfly album. Well, I went home and worked on the Shutterfly album. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH MY BRAIN? It just doesn't work properly. I feel completely ignorant on most days. How can one be so dilusional?

Ok, so the rest of this post will be random because I'm not at home and I almost forgot about TTUT {Thanks SS!} so I'm throwing something together.

Here is what I did this weekend:

I met up with my Texas bestie at a little casino somewhere in the middle of Hell and Fort Worth. I won $435 playing Three Card Poker. Whoop-Whoop! I was a HAPPY girl {but with no memory...}. And who doesn't love a good face mask picture?

I am 32.5 weeks pregnant. Here is the proof:

I'm thinking the middle picture is showing a little water retention? I'm not sure but it's not very flattering. However, I feel GREAT!

But you wanna know what's not great?
Tooting.
Pooting.
Farting.
Passing Gas.
Blowing Azz.
Flatulence.
Whatever you want to call it.
It happens DAILY and at the most inopportune times...like:

Before sex. {Slight mood killer}

Or at the grocery store when you think you have the aisle to yourself and someone comes strolling down only to make a quick exit because they all-of-a-sudden couldn't breathe.

Or at the doctor's office RIGHT BEFORE she walks in for my exam.

Or the best kind...the NOISY kind while you're in a public bathroom going potty.

Of course, these are all just examples. I'm not confirming or denying that any or all of these situations have happened to me personally. But seriously, how much gas can one pregnant girl have???

There you have it, friends! I'm talking about memory loss, trips, and tooting. What are you talking about today? Tell us by linking up!

{I'm having some computer issues tonight with our cute TTUT button. Scroll down and steal it from the next post.}

Go easy on Shawn today. She has yet another injury at her house that required a copay at a doctor's office. It's always something down there in Florida at the SS household!

And finally, congrats to Stacie @Park Avenue! She had her beautiful baby girl last week! I wonder if she'll be giving us tips this week? =)

I'm Talking About a Surprise and Pregnancy Brain

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Hey fellow bloggers and/or blog stalkers! It's time for another edition of TTUT with yours truly and the ever-so-lovely, Seriously Shawn.

Did you know that SS and I have been doing this link party for 55 weeks now? That sounds crazy to me! Along the way, I have read and found some awesome blogs and I hope you have too!

We decided to do a little SURPRISE giveaway to the blogs that have consistently linked up with us. SS did the math {even though she's not the math teacher of the duo} and determined that Miss Vandy has linked up 49 weeks out of the 54 weeks taking 1st Place! That's impressive! Vandy's obviously very loyal to our linky party and we thank her very much! =)

The "runners-up" are as follows:
Heather has linked up 46 times, Date Girl and Stacie @Park Avenue have both linked up 44 times, Scriptor has linked up 42 times, Jill has linked up 39 times and Nadine has linked up 29 times. SS took the time to write a little tidbit about each of these bloggers on her page. Please go check these lovely ladies out! And just for the record, I didn't steal this idea so it wouldn't be repetitive, ok? They all have very different but amazing blogs!

These 3 ladies deserve a mention as well: Stacy Uncorked, Emmy Mom and Nicole @Life's a Beach. They have done several link ups with us along our 1 year journey and Stacy and Emmy even do their own link ups on Tuesday!

We {as in SS} threw the above mentioned names in a hat to determine who would receive some goodies from us.

Congratulations to VANDY and JILL! Jill, please send your info to Shawn. Vandy, please send your info to me!
***********************************************************

And in other news, I've decided that my brain has gone on vacation. Most of you read about me forgetting my luggage in the garage when I flew out to visit SS a couple weeks back. Well, since then, it's gotten worse.
I forget words.
I forget what I eat for breakfast.
I forget if I ate lunch or not.
I forget to wash my hair in the shower.
I forget to shave BOTH legs.
I forget to look at my grocery list when I'm at Hellmart.
I forget I can't drink alcohol.
I forget Emma at random places.
And my latest #FAIL was driving 2 hours to a birthday party on Saturday that wasn't actually happening until Sunday. Yep. I have issues that probably can't be fixed.

I'm hoping that when Baby No-Name arrives, all will be back to "normal". 

^^^See? It's a REAL thing!! ^^^

Talk to us today by linking up! We love reading you! 

I'm Talking About My Vacay to Florida

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Hey lovies! It's time to TALK TO US! Are you in? 

I've got plenty to say about my trip to Florida to see my hilarious co-host, SS. As promised, here are all the deets from my last hoorah before baby no-name arrives!

I started off the trip on the right foot.....by leaving my luggage in the garage. Yep. I discovered it when I was 45 minutes into my 1.5 hour drive to the airport {because HELL doesn't have one of those}. I sobbed BIG UGLY MESSY TEARS for over 20 minutes. M says to buy some new clothes when I get there. I thought I'd save some money by having my mom overnight my items to Florida. When my mom called to tell me she got them shipped and that I owed her $188, I cried a little more. $188 DOLLARS??? That's just WRONG. Lesson learned: Buy new clothes when you get to destination IF YOU FORGET YOUR LUGGAGE.

My $187 box arrived as promised.

As I sit waiting patiently for my flight to depart, my day gets better as I hear the dreaded words: "We are delayed due to a technical difficulty". ARE YOU KIDDING ME AMERICAN AIRLINES? So, THREE HOURS LATER {and I mean that I sat on the PLANE for 3 hours}, we take off on our 2.5 hour flight.

Upon arrival, we head straight to the mall to buy clothes for the next day. I forgot panties so we hit up the local Hellmart for some of those and a bottle of wine. I'm not even joking and don't you dare think about judging me. 

Our mexican dinner was delicious...especially this:

Oh chill out. I just had a tiny sip of Shawn's marg.

The funniest part of my first evening was the gift that she gave me. She bought me a nightgown. Let me introduce you to my very first Moo Moo:

It was big enough for another person.

I plan on wearing it tonight in the boom boom room. I think M will like it.

My luxury suite at the Seriously household was acceptable. I would definitely stay there again. I give it a 5 star rating.

The next morning, I woke up to cankles. I blame American Airlines for making me stay on a plane for over 5 hours.

We headed out to breakfast and a trip to the local spa for massages and facials. This fat pregnant girl enjoyed every.last.minute of being pampered!

We did some shopping....

And bought Shawn a new grill....

And thought about buying Shawn this amazing headpiece...

Because clearly, she can ROCK it! Ultimately, we decided she better save it for another occasion.

At the end of day 2, I am still rocking some amazing cankles.

I got my phone highjacked by a guy named Babe. Apparently, my background picture of Emma was in need of replacement.

We watched some girls play some softball and then I posed for a nice picture with Peanut. Isn't she sweet? I'm pretty sure she wasn't wearing deodorant. 

Have you ever wanted to know what Shawn does during a softball game?

She plays on her ipad...THE WHOLE GAME. Ok, so she's keeping score on an ipad app, but whatever. Look at that intensity! 

I learned MANY things during my trip to Florida. One of many things that I learned is that Shawn is ok putting passengers lives in danger. Proof:

That's right, people. SHE PUTS ON MAKEUP IN THE CAR WHILE DRIVING. And don't get me started on her texting while driving. I never felt safe. I was ready to take over the wheel at any given time just in case.

I also learned that they throw parties at the last minute. Hosting a party stresses me out but it's just another "normal" day at the SS household. I'm assuming that having said parties makes Babe excited enough to rub his nipples and show off the 6 pack that he wishes he had.

The weekend brought on more softball in the form of a tournament. I thoroughly enjoyed watching some girls play softball. Even Honey took time out of her busy social calendar to come out and watch!

I'm like the slightly older sister she never had.

While driving to the softball field, I learned what makes Shawn horny: Motorcycles going 120 mph on the highway. We had to pull over so she could change out her panties.

A couple other interesting tibits learned:
*Babe's "manhood" is referred to as "Willis and the Doodleberries".
*The dogs know how to open unlocked doors...even while you're showering and sleeping...and they will make you scream like a 10 year old girl when they "surprise" you.

I'd like to thank this girl...

...for plucking the long, black hair from my neck while at a birthday party for their friend. It was the icing on the cake! I'm sure I made a lasting impression as they think back on that night.....

On my 5th and final day of my Florida vacay, I realize I will miss this view every day:

But I know I'm always welcome into their home because they made me feel like a part of the family. Farting, burping, sibling arguments, etc all made me feel right at home!

It was a great vacation! Thanks Shawn! I'm looking forward to showing you all that TULSA has to offer next year. I know you're so excited. I mean, after all, we only have dirt roads, cowboys and lots of animals roaming on farms but I'll show you a good time anyway. Until we meet again my friend....

What are you TALKING about this week? Let us know by linking up your Tuesday post! Have a great week!

XOXO,